4 min. read
For about a month I’ve been clearing space: mentally, emotionally, and likely in some ways I’m still not aware of. For the seasons of Advent and Christmas I decided to unplug from a few things in order to make room for something new. I’m not sure if the new has yet arrived. But I have gotten rid of some of the old.
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Though I had turned off instant Facebook notifications a few years ago, I decided to not get on Facebook the entire time. I didn’t interact on Twitter nor Instagram much at all. I also did not blog, nor did I work on the Reimagining Podcast. Since I was on a semester break in my PhD studies, I didn’t have any of that work to do. Also, since I’ve been unemployed in any full-time capacity for a while, and since my kids were on a break from homeschool studies during some of this past month, I had some significant time on my hands.
Initial Observations
The first thing I noticed is that I didn’t miss social media. Oh, I’m sure I am not as up-to-date on the lives of friends and acquaintances as I’ve been the past few years. But any major life events were somehow communicated to me through others. Knowing what kind of coffee a friend ordered, or some cute thing one of their kids did, or the minutiae of their jobs, or the big initiatives from their church or social organization is not something I feel I’ve missed. And all the random videos found on the internet of things? Haven’t missed them.
Having more time and space to focus on me kept me plenty fulfilled. Now, granted that this focusing on me was not all coffee and meditation. I didn’t do many relaxing things. I didn’t pamper myself. In fact, I used this new found time and space to really get to know myself.
And I didn’t like some of what I found.
We must clear the old in order to receive the new rightly.
You see, by clearing space so that I could be prepared for something new, I discovered I had some work to do before anything new will be rightly received. That is after all, I think, the point of seasons such as Advent.
And though the new has not yet come, I’m in a much better place by working on the things that aren’t right within me.
Here’s 3 discoveries I began to work with during this time:
1. Pride
I still suffer from an inordinate amount of pride.
I’ve been through many humbling experiences. I’ve suffered through a downfall more than once. Some were the result of my own actions or inactions; others I could not prevent because of the actions or inactions of others.
I was an arrogant SOB when I was a professional theatre artist. I thought I could do no wrong. In my mid- to late- twenties I learned that was a false assumption. I learned I can do lots wrong.
As a pastor I went through several circumstances that showed me even when my intentions were good, bad things can happen around me and to me. I learned that no amount of confidence, healthy or otherwise, can prevent unfortunate things happening. During these periods, I also learned that I do not maintain a consistent humility.
After vocational experiences that forced me to release some pride and work toward humility, I kind of thought I’d conquered the old beast of pride. But this past month I have realized I still have work to do. And I am doing that work in earnest.
I cannot cure myself of pride on my own
However, I realize I cannot cure myself of pride on my own. The self will not allow itself to be displaced by the self. So I’m leaning into the Jesus I follow, hoping he can do that which I cannot. But I’m making myself ready, as best I can, to live life with much more humility.
2. Goals
I suffer from a relentless and dogged pursuit of goals.
Too often, these goals have not been realized because I get impatient with the context in which I’m pursuing them. So I quit, shift, change, force my way through like a bull in a glass house.
I need to be more invested in the process of pursuit — the journey, as it were — rather than the realized goals. If I can grow as a human being, as a husband, as a father, as a friend then the final result of any goal pursuit must be secondary to that growth.
3. Never Say Never
I’ve said “never” too much in my life.
In fact, saying “never” even once may be too much. I, of course, don’t mean this in relation to negative behavior or actions. But in relation to the goals and pride above.
I have declared I would never engage in certain projects, never pursue certain goals, never undertake certain responsibilities that I ended up embracing. Also, over the past year I’ve reiterated that there are certain professions or callings I would never be part of again.
Looking over my past experience tells me it does nothing to potentially close a door on something in the future. In fact, declaring such things openly mostly has a negative effect on those around me. And that’s even more damaging.
Always Be Clearing Space
These past 40 days or so of clearing space have enabled me to know myself better. I still don’t know what I’m waiting for. But I’ve begun doing the work of being ready for whatever it is.
And the work must not stop. I see at least some of the real and potential benefits of this ongoing process. Maybe you do too?
If you’ve ever intentionally set out to clear your own space, what have you learned about yourself and your reality? I’d love to hear about it.