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It’s inked on my arm seven times.
It is vital to following the Way. It is a constant practice. It can never be mastered.
But the practice is frustrating.
Especially when I truly want to hear God’s voice. These days I’m leaning into divine guidance, straining with all I am to listen. And yet I cannot discern, I cannot hear.
I’ve been here before. I’ve experienced this sense of release before. The first time I recognized it was when I felt at peace with leaving professional theatre. Soon after I was called to preach. The next time was when I felt at peace with resigning from professional ministry. Soon after I was working with the homeless, then teaching.
I have sensed this release again, this time from teaching. But all other roads seemed blocked. The Call to preach has never left. Though I’ve done well to not hear it for years. However, the last few months it is loud and clear. This is what I am to do. But do I do this while continuing as a teacher? Do I uproot my family and pursue professional ministry in another state? Do I explore avenues in my local church?
In the past, shortly following the release, there has been clear direction. This time I feel as if I’m floating in a sea of inactivity. I’m past the time in my life when I will push for something to happen.
So I wait. And I struggle to listen to our LORD who is the one God. And I continue to love our LORD with all my all. But it is indeed a struggle these days.