Your Story Matters

3 min. read

Maybe you’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that your story doesn’t matter. That’s a lie. The Story of You means something.

Stories Matter

I’m big on narrative. Scientific studies show us that story is a defining way our brains understand ourselves and our reality. Whenever I speak or preach, I do so in a narrative form, either through the telling of story or by using story-forming elements.

The idea of a personal story gets a bad rap, partly because it is a subjective practice. The receivers of stories too often judge the veracity of the narrative, rather than letting the story speak to them on its own terms.

I wish more people would share their stories. Our stories matter in the telling of them. It doesn’t matter what your story is; it matters that you tell it.

Maybe you simply share it with your spouse, or partner, or best friend. Maybe you share it with those in your family or whoever you share life with. Maybe you find avenues to share it more broadly: writing, open-mic nights, community gatherings.

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Fear = The Story Killer

I know, I know … such suggestions tend to focus on our fears of those things. But who you are, what has happened to you, what you’ve done in relationship with others: all those things matter in the greater story of our humanity.

And maybe that’s why we are hesitant to share our story: we don’t think people will accept it, or believe it, or appreciate it.

Perhaps you’ve shared your story before and been burned because someone or a group of people now have something on you. I know that pain all too well.  Multiple times, my transparency in the telling of my story has been used to ostracize me, or tear me down, or spin whole new false narratives about me. That dark side of humanity is damaging. If you’ve been there, you have a choice: either clam up and refuse to share your story again, or share it all the more freely. I’ve chosen both before. I’ve found that the choice to continue to tell my story is more healing for me, and more liberating for others. It doesn’t do much for the people who have used my story to hurt me, but like the One I follow once said, “Shake the dust off your feet and leave that place.” There’s also something healing about not trying to mend what others have broken and what others are unable to recognize they have broken. It takes two parties in order to reconcile.  Sometimes all we can do is forgive and move on.

Projected fear or previous pain may prevent us from sharing the narrative that has formed who we are. But what if you faced the fear of telling your own story and the pain of having shared before, and told it anyway?

Your Story, Your Framework

Your story matters because you are an individual, one of billions of individuals, who contributes to the story of humanity simply by being. So however you choose to tell it, and whomever you choose to tell it to, your story should be shaped by your own framework. Too many of our stories are lacking because we have allowed the telling of them to be shaped by the frameworks of others. Institutions and systems of power tell us what our stories should sound like (I’m looking at you big business, churches, political parties, etc.). But your story is unique, likely because it doesn’t fit into someone else’s framework.

Yes we will find commonalities in our stories when we share them with each other. But the major worth of our individual stories is in their diversity, diversions, and deconstructions. So don’t let your story be narrated by other people, nor institutions, nor cultural norms. Embrace the defiant and the quirky aspects of your story; the singular and the strange passages; the sublime and the pedestrian elements that make it your story.

Tell your story, because it matters. Tell your story, and watch what happens. Tell your story, because it’s your story.